I turned on the news, and an image of a beautiful and seemingly put together woman had committed suicide. I don’t know anything about her, nor do I own any of her handbags, but I cried. By mid-morning, the news had circulated on Facebook. A wonderful and well-meaning friend posted a Bible verse about how the devil lies and we have to put our trust in the Lord, daily.
I’m a believer. I pray about my children’s health.
I pray about traffic, and panic attacks.
I pray about the world around me.
But the thing is, no matter how much I pray, how much I know and believe that I am enough, that the Lord loves me just as I am, the lies that devil tells sounds louder. I hear it each time I pray.
You are not enough.
You are worthless.
Your kids are better off without you.
For others, those lies and voices obscure so much of the good and positive things happening in a person’s life. I’ve been down that road and I know that you start to focus on those instead, and start to believe them instead.
How often do we see people who are at the top of their game, successful in their career and then later hear about their tragic ending? Mental health needs to be addressed. I’ve been told multiple times in my lowest point, to just keep praying. What does that do for the believer who is holding on to a slippery rope?
I’ve felt so isolated in those times, even in the middle of fellowship. I’ve felt hollowed out and no matter what others have said about my strength, my positivity, my faith; I had distanced myself away from God.
I’m still on my journey back.
One of the biggest things on that helped was support. I had a group of online strangers in a support group, friends who prayed over me and a family that held on to the hope that I’ll find my way back to the light. I imagine that’s what a tribe looks like: full of hope, love, friendship and prayers. Jesus said, “For where two or three gather together in My name, there am I with them.” (Matthew 18:20)
Somewhere in my darkness, Jesus was there. Even as I prayed without conviction, or with tears streaming down my face, I knew. I felt Him as I asked for prayers, and was lovingly prayed over, and checked up on.
This is just my journey, mind you. I know quite a bit of women who are still working their way out, and need more than support.
While I don’t know what could help in other people’s situation, for my part, when someone tells me to pray for them about their anxiety, their worry, I will take their hands and pray for them there in that moment. Everyone deserves second chances, and grace. Everyone deserves to be prayed over lovingly. Wherever you are in this world, know that you are not alone. You are loved, and you are prayed for.