Have you ever felt so far from God? Have you ever thought God wasn’t listening to you, or maybe He just abandoned you? Me too.
Maybe I am writing this to encourage myself, but I feel lead to share about this season of my life I am stumbling through ever so quietly, and how in the depth of my broken heart I know God is still there. I pray that somehow you can be encouraged, by maybe the simple fact of knowing you are not alone.
The past few years I have struggled with medical issues. These issues have caused a lot of physical pain. Through the years I have tried countless medications, treatments, and have seen countless doctors. No one could help me, and no one could figure out the root cause. I felt so broken.
I didn’t grow up a Christian so it was pretty easy for me to slip into old habits, and shut people out, or struggling with my temptation of self-harm. Near the end of my options, I was losing hope. I wasn’t being positive through Christ. I wouldn’t tell certain people about treatments we were going to try, or doctors we were seeing because if I didn’t work (which it never did) I didn’t think I could bare telling people of the failed attempts. I didn’t want to let them down.
Through these struggles I tried to stay fervent in prayer, and did whatever I could to open the word. I still served at my church, and put on the face that made everyone think I was okay.
The truth? I am not okay.
However, even though this season has been dark, and lonely God has shown himself in the littlest ways. Those little moments though have been so sweet. From a group of my church family coming together and writing me cards of encouragement, to random moments of people praying over me, to just being reminded how far God has brought me.
These season reminds me of Psalm 22. David was crying out to God feeling forgotten and abandoned. Admitting his weakness to the One most high. BUT still promising to praise him.
That’s, oh so good.
Lord, I pray for anyone that feels far from you. I pray they come running towards you everyday of their life. I pray that during these seasons we are reminded of your goodness, and your faithfulness even when times are not good. I pray that your provide healing, and restorations, but if it is not in your will we know you still good. Amen.