Today, late on a Wednesday afternoon, I engaged in several attempts to slip away to my Prayer Lair to write a post for Daughters of the Deep. Well over a week had passed since I’d been able to spend time writing.
Somehow, two children and a husband ended up with me in the small room. This was only after I’d lost and found my glasses, misplaced my computer, and retrieved my cell phone from my son, who was playing a game on it.
I shooed them away as lovingly as I was able, despite feeling intensely impatient. The sixth-grader needed her dad’s help with math homework. The first-grader informed me that there was “nothing to do” in a forlorn tone that eventually erupted into tears. The husband claimed that he thought I wanted him to join me upstairs in the Lair because I’d just poured him a cup of coffee upon his arrival home.
To be honest, I just wanted them all to go on and do without me for a little bit. After all, the past several weeks had been a constant string of activity and obligations that have kept my writing at bay. This feeling makes me restless and cranky. How am I supposed to write encouraging thoughts about Jesus when I am restless and cranky?
My 2018 goals include spending a lot more time writing, researching, and pitching my work in hopes of developing some connections and gaining traction as a freelancer. By day, I’m a high school English teacher. This means planning, teaching, and grading are my life during the day. It’s a lot.
When I get home, I yearn to snag a little time working on my dream in between church commitments and the kids’ activities. However, duty often calls out to me in the form of a sinkful of dishes. Other times it is a ginger-haired child who needs my help or a hug.
I often feel like I am wading through Jell-O when it comes to getting anything done with writing. Deep within, there is a desire to write, to create. Deep without, duty calls, along with guilt about not being able to balance my life and manage my time better.
One of the best things about spending early morning time with God is that scriptures have a way of floating down out of heaven into my life exactly when I need them. Today, and I am not kidding, this gem came up in my readings:
Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near.
God knew that late on Wednesday afternoon, I would need to remember this promise. I’m waiting for the yield. Even though my sowing is slow and the growth is even slower, He will bring fruit. Although I often feel I am not getting anywhere and just can’t seem to move forward, God sees me. He has a plan for my dream because He is the Dreamgiver.
Though the process feels slow to me, mired up in the everyday happenings of a mama with a family, He is working. Not only is He working on my situation, He is working on me.
The darling boy who claimed “nothing to do” just a while ago is here, snuggled in a chair, reading while I write. This peaceful compromise feels good. And just as I was finishing this post up, they all appeared again in the Lair. Well, at least I got 30 minutes in. The yield will come in time.