Go To The Throne
So here I am….again. After swearing I’d never do “the-thing-that-I-did” again. After beating this thing into the ground with all the energy of someone holding onto the roller coaster for dear life, white knuckles clawing imprints into the guard rail. Here I am. I’m so tired of this.
On top of the guilt for trying and failing once again to keep my nose clean, the whispers inside my head begin. I’m not faithful. I am a wretch. I am undeserving. Loser. Failure.
So what else is new?
This is the beauty of the gospel…that “while we were still (emphasis mine) sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8 CSB). No cleaning up to do.
So I need to go to Him again, hands held out empty, asking for forgiveness, a change in heart, some stinkin’ relief.
My favorite story in scripture is the story of Jesus appearing to Thomas after the resurrection:
24-25 But Thomas, sometimes called the Twin, one of the Twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. The other disciples told him, “We saw the Master.” But he said, “Unless I see the nail holes in his hands, put my finger in the nail holes, and stick my hand in his side, I won’t believe it.” 26 Eight days later, his disciples were again in the room. This time Thomas was with them. Jesus came through the locked doors, stood among them, and said, “Peace to you.” 27 Then he focused his attention on Thomas. “Take your finger and examine my hands. Take your hand and stick it in my side. Don’t be unbelieving. Believe.” 28 Thomas said, “My Master! My God!” 29 Jesus said, “So, you believe because you’ve seen with your own eyes. Even better blessings are in store for those who believe without seeing.” (The Message)
I have heard many sermons on the benefit of believing without needing the proof. But can I just, for a moment, focus on the God of this passage who says OK? He could have said to Thomas “You’ve spent time with me. You KNOW me. You of all people should get it.” But He didn’t. He says to Thomas in essence, “If this is what it is going to take for you to believe me…then have it.” No criticism. No condemnation. No lecture on missing the obvious. Just grace.
For those of us who are sometimes nervous to go before the throne broken….He is not surprised. He is not shockable. He only has your best interest at heart. In the moment of our deepest need, when we need to believe him the most, he bends down to our tender, bleeding hearts and says, “OK. This is what you need. Have it.”