The more I think about God, Heaven, and what it truly means to be a follower, the more I fall short, and come up completely empty.

Maybe I’ve exhausted the possibility of searching for what it truly means, or maybe I’ve found the answer and I do not like myself too much…

In short – it’s so simple; it took me years to arrive to this epiphany, to truly be considered a Christian, a follower of Christ, is to love everyone. I know. I know what you’re thinking, ‘duh!’

But really and truly – do you? When the cashier says a snarky comment under her breath, you don’t think to yourself ‘wow, I love this woman.’ No, you try to make an even snarkier comment to humiliate her in front of (preferably) her boss so they can see how awful she is. Or that man that cut you off on the interstate? Pleasant thoughts are not the first to enter your mind.

I don’t love people.

I don’t love the ones who are mean and awful. I don’t love the ones that look down their noses at me. I don’t love the people who call themselves one thing and you find them in compromising positions nor can I love the people who don’t even love themselves and go on self-destructive paths.

And to say I’m supposed to be a contradiction to love, in my opinion. You’re not supposed to impose love. You’re supposed to exude this enigmatic emotion.

Maybe I’m just feeling completely vulnerable right now or maybe I’m rethinking/reevaluating my spirit…again. I seem to do this every season. I think it’s just the way the leaves change, the air slightly chillier and right before the start of the busyness of the season that I like to pause and find my place in my faith.

I am reading this book called ‘crazy love’ by Pastor Chan. He makes an awesome point that God assess us not on our actions, but on how we love.

Love is the greatest commandment. To have love for someone means to have absolute faith in them and then there’s a promise, or a hope of better tomorrows.

~ 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, 13 ~ Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.. faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. ~

He proposes that we substitute ‘love’ for your name. Mine would be ‘Leila is patient and kind; Leila does not envy or boast…

How would that make you feel? I’m not feeling pretty hot when you insert my name into what Love is supposed to be. I will continue to fall short and come up empty. So here’s a reminder, for both myself and you, to extend a little more love to others. After all, the world knows we are Christians by how we love.