I have always loved the idea of what marriage represents. Especially since I was raised in a single parent home.
For most of my life, I always witnessed the marriage of uncles, aunts, and most recently my cousins. I find myself staring at their families and catching a glimpse of their marriage during family functions, longing for the day when God blesses me with the very thing I feel He has promised me.
I longed for marriage at the age of 22. And family and friends explained to me, “You have time.” But now as I’m getting closer and closer to 30, the words of “You have time” are now beginning to change to “So, when are you going to get married?” Or my favorite “You don’t have to be married to be happy.” It’s true. I get it.
I know that I don’t have to be married to be happy, but if I’m honest with myself, as well as with you, it does get frustrating and downright disappointing to enter into yet another year, holiday, and family function as the “single one”. Recently, I visited my god parents in Maryland for a couple of days. It was my first time on a plane since I was 4. And, sometimes I found myself overwhelmed with traveling all alone.
“It’s tough making these memories alone”, I told my godmother. I found myself explaining to my godmother many times during my visit, that although I loved my independence and ability that I could just visit at a drop of a dime, I so deeply wanted to make these visits and memories with someone that I was looking forward to sharing my life with. ‘Tchernavia, you are right where you need to be” she would respond. That became the theme of the week.
When I would voice out my frustrations and doubts that maybe God wasn’t working in my life as I had hoped he would, she would calmly respond in her New Jersey accent, “You are right where you need to be.”
I don’t know about you, but that alone comforts me. It’s something so amazing about how we may feel in complete control of our own lives. When in reality, its Gods’ who’s the car.
Sometimes, I find myself looking back at past relationships. And I wonder what I could have done differently to possibly have changed the outcome of how the relationship ended. I mean, the human side of me constantly reminds me that being single is clearly a choice. At times it even haunts me that perhaps I have met my spouse and messed it up. But then theirs the spiritual side.
That amazing anointed side constantly reminds me of 2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”
Another honest moment. My spiritual side constantly reminds me that I’m not ready for marriage. And many times it reminds me that I’m not quite ready for parenthood. In this dark, lonely season of my singleness, God has been so present; no matter how much I try to deny it. He revealed roots from evil seeds planted in my soil, that ultimately have no place in Christ focused marriage. Instead of leaving me for dead in this season, God has spoken so loudly. And He has given me memories that I will forever have as my own.
Years from now, when God sees fit, marriage will come, and then hopefully children. It will be at that very moment when my own child is looking me in the eyes, with a scared spirit that I will be able to tell them my story. My story about the time I hoped on a plane alone, and traveled grounds I never knew God would let me touch. I will tell them the many stories about how God is real, and how He truly loves us. I will even remind them, that when we least expect it, God will send them someone just like my God mom. To remind them that they are exactly where they need to be, for God to truly work. Right here, right now…YOU ARE RIGHT ON TRACK!