What do you want me to do with this, God?” . I yelled as I sat in my car feeling the deepest pain. Here I was in another situation that left me broken, wondering how God was going to fix me up and put me back together again. I mean, He’s God, right? So, even this heartbreak of mine should be an easy quick fix for Him, right? I once heard an elder say, “When you ask God a question, you better be ready for the answer! And you better be ready to follow His instructions.”. Following His instructions wasn’t my worry; or so I thought. I sat and screamed in that car for about forty-five minutes waiting on God to reply to my question. I guess, I imagined He was like a genie who was going to just appear at the drop of a tear and answer my question; but that’s not what He did.
The next night God showed up and answered. “From this pain, you have to grow. You need to go!” He said. I was 24 at the time, and I had never lived away from home. I was in a comfortable job, living safely with my family, with my 1991 Toyota Camry. I wanted more, I needed more; but I didn’t know how to get more. God kept whispering to me about growth. In this pain, God was working on the birth of my growth. Isaiah 66:9 says, “In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord”.
After a week of going back and forth with God, trying to convince Him that I wasn’t ready for this idea of growth He was trying to lead me to; I surrendered. With surrendering, God met me right where my fears were trying to leave me paralyzed. First, God led me to the city to move to. Second, God blessed me with a new car. Lastly, I was blessed with a new job in that new city. Despite what some thought about my rushing the process, others didn’t quite understand that I was being led by the healer of my pain. For the first six months of living in this city three hours away from home, I lived with my cousin and his family; where I was more than comfortable. Then, with their push I got my own apartment. I remember the first night of staying in my apartment, I turned the lights on and off several times; trying to grasp the idea that just 6 months before this, I was sitting outside of my house in my car crying out to God about where that pain was supposed to lead me. God is something amazing. He’s all knowing. He’s great!
Right now, where you are, God already has the next Chapter of your life completed. He already knows where He’s going to lead you, and exactly how He’s going to get you there. Stop fearing pain. Although it hurts, many times God is leading you to something greater. Trust your deepest pains…God will not take you anything from you, without allowing your pain to grow into something new!