Truth is.. I have been made new. I am no longer a slave to society and what is expected of me. I choose.
Truth is..God has made me new. He has given me a new perspective. My life has changed. I no longer hold grudges and am eager to quickly resolve issues when addressed. I use to have a fist full of emotions but God said,” Release it. Let it go. I make beautiful things out of people like you.” The grace I’ve been shown is the grace I hope to own. My hands are now opened and empty of the trash they once held. Where I carried brokenness and shame now lie at the bottom of the bin. I am FREE. I didn’t get this way over night. It took YEARS of ponder and pray. It took PATIENCE and WILLINGNESS to go through storms but hold onto the beautiful. I’ll still feel hurt, sadness and anger yet it will not destroy me. I have gotten so much better. I don’t need a pop quiz on theology. Honestly, I may fail but I will remember the lessons. I’ll remember the feeling of peace I receive. I’ll remember how God would have me act in situations. And when I ponder and pray my cup is full again of his grace. I am memorized head to toe by God. He created me and knows my heart. He knows what I can handle and what I can’t. When I came to understand this I agreed to put one foot in front of the other and walk upon the waters where he leads. Like Peter, I may lose sight and faith of the outcome, but I am reminded over and over that He is the one I am holding on to. No one else. And I will call upon his name. When you have him– I will rephrase – When HE has you in his grasp, he won’t let go. He follows through with his plans for you. His only command is to trust and obey.
The saying goes,” When you pay more attention to your problems, you are spending less time with the Lord.” God tells us not to worry, to give our burdens to him. To walk by faith. To not let the sun go down on our anger. To encourage others, to love, to serve. It gets hard but it’s possible. He has made me stronger in my faith. Especially in him. As long as I have his presence around me I am only encouraged more to be less of what the world sees and more of what God sees. When I honor him and listen to what the holy spirit tells me I am eager to surrender. I am willing to let go. I have more patience. I feel full. I’m willing to commit. I am able to admit my faults and am cleansed. You can’t fake this people. You can feel the change; it is surprising. It enlightens and allows for more peace in the spirit. When speaking to my husband about thoughts, passions, dreams he can feel it to. He sees the change and he encourages me. I cry because I am so happy I am not who I was. Every day is a new and I feel blessed entirely. I am overjoyed of these changes because they are so vivid. I am doing for myself in ways that encourage more and aids in detoxifying my life. I am a mother-wife-student-entrepreneur-daughter-sister-friend. I can find faults in each thing that I am; however, those faults do not define me. It just means I need balance. I can have that when I surrender and do what God asks. Balance comes from understanding those flaws and how I choose to deal with them. When those waves crash and throw me off balance I know there is an anchor that keeps me steady. When I’ve had enough I’ll take myself away from the deep end and keep a grounded mannerism. And if God calls me to step toward deeper waters I need to be courageous and walk to him without fear. I was a hot mess a long time ago but I am a living testimony and on the road to eternal life. I am heading for the gates of heaven. I am not afraid of the road (s) I am forced to take or short comings. It may not look like much to some people but God is who I am chasing. I will not keep tags on the good I’ve done. I will not be prideful or arrogant. I will just live and do when called. I will get out of my comfort zone and be radical. We only have a short amount of time and I want to be a ready bride. I want the butterflies,nervousness, and pounding of the heart to sustain. I want to be tested. That way when I do walk down that aisle to enter the kingdom and be with the King of Kings, I will be ready. I will stand tall with empty hands and a smile walking down to the love I’ve craved that is not of this world.
2 Corinthians 5:17
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”