I sat down beside her long blond locks, awkwardly shuffling my feet beneath the seat. What’s wrong with me, I’m usually comfortable as the new girl?

But this season came forth with an unfamiliar sort of stretch. Beyond the physical relocation of our move, I sensed the Spirit moving me – shifting priorities and perspective, redirecting affections and aligning my heart towards deeper truth.

But this new level left me feeling undone, unsure in areas previously assured. And I wondered if the undoing was God’s doing, if these turning tides were shaping and preparing me, or was the enemy striking and stealing? Could it be both?

Despite shifting emotions, grace was sufficient to simply show up, step out and discover God in the in-between. And in the gaps of uncertainty I came undone, learning once more how grace changes everything.

But how should I reveal or present myself in these new places, this new community – can I be real, can I be, me? Will my cracked cup be enough?

With a warm smile, wide eyed and blue, Goldie Locks (her nickname, of course), welcomed me in, easing any awkwardness. What amazing responses smiles produce! And her encouragement to ‘come again’, brought me back long enough to exchange numbers; unexpectedly embracing a budding new friendship. But it wasn’t a well-put-together version of me, she met.

Because perfection is lonely and part of living healed, is simple being real. To live authentic, in all things, interactions, intentions – on and offline.

“Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ.” Ephesians 6:5 NLT

When my aim to honor God outweighs the fear of man, the perpetual habit of people pleasing and pressure to prove, unhinge their hold on my heart. From this deep freedom, flows authentic conversation, forging real connection.

“Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them.” Romans 12:9 NLT

Of course no man can pour out what only God can. And time and trust prove I can safely bare my barrenness before Him, because He will always bear, my every burden.

“Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden.” Psalms 68:19 NASB

I rather present to you, a well-put-together me, but I want to be known. And you can’t know me, if I don’t show you – how grace dependent I am.

It’s this coming undone where Christ leads me in what it means to live meek. This meek living mystery, where release of freedom begins – free to be assertive and bold, yet open and broken.

Because what if reaching out and offering our cup – right where we’re cracked, crushed and confused, offers relief – refreshment for one heart? 

And then what if – what if the real you, reaps real connection?


[Image via Unsplash]




Mrs. Jessica Lauren

Mrs. Jessica Lauren

"Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith" (Hebrews 12:2).