Pride. I didn’t think I had an issue with pride. A few weeks ago, one of my best friends, told me she thought my biggest weakness was my pride.
Immediately I opened my mouth to defend myself. Waiting for my words, I realized she might have a point. I shut my mouth and nodded as we both teared up.
When asked about the flight-or-fight response, I will always answer I’m ready to fight. God had been in my ear the morning before my conversation with my friend showing me that I will survive, in fact, I will thrive without my pride. God laid a new personal focus on my heart. I have been called to work at letting go of pride.
I had never thought of myself as prideful. I thought I was protecting myself from pain. In defensiveness I am blunt and willing to cause hurt in my anger, to establish the upper-hand. I was tired of being “run over” as a child.
I remember a lot of hurt from my adolescence. I grew up in a home that required you to swallow what was bothering you and do as you were told. Once I found my voice, I was determined to always stand up for myself. I would have the last say, I would fight to the end, and would even “beat a dead horse”. That behavior carried into my adulthood.
“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18
The morning of my pride’s intervention, I was reading Jennifer Smith’s “Wife After God” 1. The devotional discusses how Christ loved us despite His circumstance. As I read, I remember feeling so thankful for His sacrifice and His love. God did not provide this example by accident.
Smith then related this “love despite circumstance or situation” to my marriage. “You should walk in humility, forgiving your husband as God has forgiven you…” “This is not an easy thing to do. Your PRIDE will tempt you to withhold, your intellect will try to justify what is fair, and your heart will attempt to manipulate your motives. However, if you fight your flesh as Jesus did, for the sake of reconciliation…”
I read this information over and over again. In my mind I had specific memories of times I chose pride over reconciliation. Further looking into the text, I noticed the word fight. “Fight you flesh…” Well, I sure do know how to fight. I just need to point the fight towards my flesh instead of others.
“For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other so that you are not to do whatever you want.”Galatians 5:17
I have another big “fight ahead of me. It is with the desires of my flesh. It is a fight to change my habit. It is a fight to have humility. More than that, it is a fight to find peace in the fact that with God as my Father, I don’t need pride. He loves me as I was, am, and will be. After all, He created me.
Prayer: Spirit lead us toward humility and reconciliation. Let us measure our worth on God’s standards instead of the standard on Earth. Fill us with serenity today, knowing full well that we are deeply loved by you. Give us grace when our flesh wins, wisdom understand our flesh won, and strength to continue the fight against pride. In your name we pray, Amen.
Last note, we all need a friend that is willing to share hard truths in a sensitive way. I’m so thankful to have an amazing sister in Christ. She is a special gift that God put in my life.
[ 1. Jennifer Smith. Wife after God (Helena, AL: Smith Family Resources, Inc., 2016), 49-51 ]