As a child, I was raised in church. I can’t remember a time I wasn’t either learning something about God, singing about Him or participating in some type of church activity. I grew up having good morals and integrity being instilled in my sister and I. My family was known for being upright within our community. I enjoyed going to church and serving in our church. However, that was the extent of my relationship with God. Knowing about Him and serving Him. We all know to have a genuine relationship with someone; it goes deeper than merely a knowing of them. You long to know more!
You want to know them intimately. You seek to develop a relationship with them and desire to be refreshed by their presence. This is what I was missing! I didn’t have a relationship with God.
I can recall being in college and finding myself in church on Sundays because I knew it was the right thing to do. But my lifestyle was all wrong! Although I firmly believe even then He had mercy on me and didn’t allow me to go too far in my sin. Let’s not be mistaken, though, I definitely wasn’t a saint! But it all could’ve have been so much worse. I am eternally grateful for His mercy! His loving-kindness continually drew me to Him. I always knew there was something missing. I know now this void is something He places in each of us to discover only He can fill it.
I struggled with fornication and failed relationships. This consumed me so that at times I would have tears in my eyes begging God to help me to stop while in the act. I remember feeling dirty and like I let God down when I would succumb to this again and again. “Lord, help me”, I prayed many nights only to return to this filth again and again. There are other things I can add to my lists of sins: lying, cheating, clubbing, vanity…just to name a few. But nothing seemed to consume me more than my relationships with men.
I realized shortly after graduating from college in yet another failed relationship; how much I needed God. I needed a new beginning. I needed to go where I’d have a fresh start; to get away from it all. I didn’t want to go where I knew anyone or where anyone knew me. Without friends. Without family. Just me and God.
It was a lonely place. But God met me in this place. I had to peel away the layers of my past to uncover who God created me to be. It was time to surrender. It was time to finally free myself of all the hurt I caused myself. To let go of all the guilt, the images, and the soul ties. God met me. He kept me. I sought to learn of Him. I sought to know His heart. I encountered His love that still overwhelms me today.Tears begin to flow whenever I think of how much I am loved by Him.
He was enough. He is enough! This truth has had to be revealed again and again. Fast forward to years later after my college days. I married the love of my life whom I know God placed us together for a divine purpose. We’ve been dealt some hard cards in our nearly thirteen years of marriage. We’ve lost our daughter, Reese Madison who lived two short days here on earth. My husband has battled cancer three times. We are still fighting. But God! He is still enough.
I’m not perfect by any means but I strive to live for Him with everything in me. I seek to put Him first in all things. For me, this means seeking Him continuously in prayer; asking Him to reveal Himself more to me through His word. It is fulfilling His will for my life by being obedient to His call. It is striving to live holy as He is holy; loving what He loves and hating what He hates. My greatest desire is to be a light before others so He can be seen through me; to represent Him well in the earth.
I’m honored to share how he has changed me so I can help others who may travel the same journey. I live to encourage others and to let them know they matter. If to no one else, we matter to Him. Our stories MATTER. He lovingly writes them and with each line written; He is drawing us closer to Him.