I grew up in a Christian home my whole life. I count this as a blessing and I am so grateful to have grown up being immersed in the love of the Lord. I’m the oldest child, and a natural people pleaser so you can imagine what this cocktail of personality traits did to my faith and my perception of God. I was the honor roll kid, the student leader at church, a volunteer, and the list goes on. Although I loved the Lord, I was more focused on my image as the ‘good’ girl’ and the way that other people perceived me. This was the perfect recipe for rebellion.
Towards the beginning of my freshman year of college I became frustrated with my ‘good girl’ persona and the way that people saw me. I felt like I was in a box, and I couldn’t do anything. This was nothing but a lie, and this happens when we put our worth in our works instead of Jesus. My freshman year of college was the year I became truly broken. My self righteousness and self reliance were broken because I made a few choices that brought me to my knees. I ended up in a relationship that was unhealthy on both ends. It taught me more than anything that I am nothing without Jesus and that I have no right to brag on my works. We are all but a step away from brokeness.
After that year, God really rescued me from myself and that relationship. My relationship with Him became more real than ever. It humbled me and allowed me to have so much more compassion on other young women. He showed Himself to me as a true Pursuer, Father, and friend. I am not perfect, but every day I work towards having an authentic relationship with Him. One that’s not built on my works but His grace. The journey hasn’t been easy, but He has been with me every step of the way.