As I reflect during this time of year, I reminded of a time 9 years ago when I was filled with fear, panic & anxiety. I couldn’t feel God. I couldn’t hear God. I had no idea what the next day held. I remember feeling so overwhelmed in a sea of darkness.
In the fall of 2007, I began having chest pains. They weren’t very painful, but I knew something was wrong. I went to my doctor and he put me on anti-anxiety medication. It worked for a little bit, but I was still having issues.
The first week of December I remember standing by my kitchen island when the room began to spin. I felt dizzy, my head was tingling, & my heart was beating out of control. Because stroke runs in my family, I looked at my husband and said, ” get me to the ER”. We called friends to watch my son, and headed out because all I could think was I didn’t want to die in my home. At the ER I had tons of bloodwork, an EKG, chest X-ray, and cat scan of my head. Everything came out ok & the doctor said it was just a panic attack. At this point, I started taking medication 3 times a day.
At the ER I had bloodwork, an EKG, chest X-ray, and a Cat Scan of my head. Everything turned out okay, and the doctor said it was just a panic attack. At this point, I started taking medication 3 times a day.
I was crying every day. Fearful. Scared. Convinced I was dying. I couldn’t hear God. I couldn’t feel Him. I was just surrounded by a dark cloud.
I would love to tell you I was healed instantly, but I wasn’t. What I do know is that during the spring of that year the panic attacks started lessening. I would go a day without one. Then a week. Then the week’s became months. By the next fall, with permission from my doctor, I began to wean off my medication, and by the end of the year, I was medication free.
These verses in Isaiah were a comfort to me. I knew even though I was in deep darkness, I would not drown. I knew that God would lift me out. I didn’t know how or when, but I trusted that He would. And He did! It didn’t happen overnight, but healing came over the course of that next year.
“But now, O Jacob, listen to the LORD who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior” (Isaiah 43:1-3, NLT).
No matter what you are facing today, just know, He will not let you drown. He is with you…even if you can’t see or feel Him. He is there at your darkest. He loves you. Trust in Him today.